Change
Several years ago, my husband and I were asked to participate in a panel discussion at our church. It was a panel of Elders and each couple was given a question prior to the service. Our question was “What have you found to be the hardest part of being married?”. I had to chuckle when I read it because even though we had an incredible marriage, we had walked through a lot of hard times and I wasn’t sure how to condense it all into one single answer. I tend to use a lot of words and my husband doesn’t so I had an elaborate answer building up in my mind before I ever asked him what his would be. One day, we were in the car and I told him what our question was. I was fully expecting him to either say he needed to think about it or offer me full liberty to come up with the answer on my own, but instead, he immediately said “Aleah, it's change. The hardest part of marriage is change”. It was simple and it was true.
We have been married 27 years and I have to say the hardest part of marriage is indeed change. It broadly encompasses most of the issues we face because they are either about a change or will require a change. Things either have changed, are changing, or will change and just as we have to learn to handle it personally, in a marriage, we have to learn to navigate change together. My husband, Jarrett, is a champ at this. Me, not so much. I’ve definitely grown there and I am exponentially better at dealing with it than I’ve ever been. Mainly because the Lord has walked us through so much, my only choice has been to trust Him. I’ve seen God faithfully care for and keep us over and over. I’ve seen Him come through when there was little left to cling to. He has protected our children and helped us raise them well. He has restored broken places in our relationship. He has taken things I thought were dead and spoken life back into them. He has refreshed our love and friendship day in and day out. He has certainly taught me that change is not always bad.
Early in our marriage, we agreed to work hard and persevere no matter how difficult things appeared. It was a conscious decision and it was also a promise. God has pushed us and challenged us. It has taken effort and dedication. We have failed and we have succeeded. The thing we’ve always known is we belong to each other and our marriage belongs to God.
What I’ve discovered is there is a renewal found in change. There is an opportunity for new things to be birthed and new experiences to be celebrated. Even when difficult, if looked at with the right perspective, joy can be found. The world will teach us marriage is expendable and easy to end, but as believers, we can’t live by that worldview. Our hope is Jesus and with Him, we can do hard things that bring about positive change. Marriage is a covenant. It takes a partnership between the couple and the Lord. It requires a lot of grace and a lot of trust. It gives space for forgiveness. So, embrace the changes that come and allow the Lord to work in your marriage. Look for ways to celebrate even the smallest of victories. Go on dates. Laugh a lot. Be intimate. Share your dreams and take leaps of faith towards them together. Be creative with your time and plan special moments that can become traditions.
God not only renews us day by day, but He also renews our marriages and our families. No matter where you find yourself and no matter how hard marriage may seem, there is always hope. He is for you. Trust Him.